I feel truly blissful every time I learn something new about our Creator or see how His pieces fit so perfectly into our puzzle, if we only let Him.

The last time that happened? Right now.

Life has been rough lately. Really rough. Watching my parents separate and being dragged into the middle of it, hurting. Being told my mom is dying from cancer, while being the only one who sees and believes in the miracles our God is capable of performing. Being told my dad is dying from hepatitis c and the only way to fight it is with weekly injections and daily pills that cause him the worst depression imaginable. All the while, I am developing anxiety that chooses to manifest itself in real life by giving me panic attacks while trying to approach medium- to large-sized group settings. And, honestly, the list goes on…

Yet, through all this, I have been seeking Jesus. Not as passionately or consistently as I know He has been pursuing me, but I’ve been making that effort. I have been venting to women of Christ, some of whom have become my absolute best friends.

And, last night, I got to have one of those awesome talks with one of them. My Rebecca. Or, “Ms Becca” if you’re as adorable as my almost-4-year-old niece. 😉 From the beginning, she has known me and understood me like no one else. When asking me how I am, she’s seen through the same old response of “Oh, I’m fine. How are YOU?” She has broken blasted through walls I didn’t know I had up…some of which I wasn’t ready to have come down…heh. She has helped me through some really crappy times. And she’s shared some amazing wisdom and knowledge about a lot of different amazing things. We are a lot alike.

[Side note: When I say “from the beginning”, I mean before I knew her. I don’t know how, but somehow I was on her radar on a personal level before I ever even knew that she knew my name. She was one of the thousands of women I would see at church and I worked on a couple of women’s conference projects that I knew she was heading up, but I didn’t know she knew me. Her eyes always lit up when she would see me and for a while, I was really confused. I couldn’t understand how I could mean that much to someone I didn’t even know. So, Rebecca, if you’re reading this…thank you. Thank you for making me feel special and loved from the moment we first met, and every moment we have interacted since.]

So, last night was just one of those nights. I’d had another panic attack the night before while trying to go to the Emotional Healing class a friend of Rebecca’s was hosting. And there was just a lot of stuff she needed to help me through. So we hung out and talked and drove around and cried…well, I cried. I always cry. lol But she spoke to me directly about the gifts I’m discovering…the gifts from the Holy Spirit. And how they are supposed to help me through all of the stuff I’m dealing with right now.

She’s given me homework. hahaha I love her homework assignments. (Night before last, after the panic attack, my homework was to pick up a bottle of wine, go home and relax…check, check and check!! lol) Last nights homework included downloading her favorite guided meditation apps, doing one at night and one in the morning, a self care challenge on her friend’s blog, and weekly FaceTime sessions to follow up.

Before I left, she oiled me up with the most amazing essential oils I have ever experienced (I’m probably going to have to write a separate blog about that at some point, just saying), gave me several big huge hugs, and walked me out.

I got home, got ready for bed and did my first guided meditation. And. I. SLEPT. I awoke with heavy eyes but an energy that I’ve never experienced so early in the morning. I checked my emails and was amazed to see that my daily bible verse correlated with our talk last night. 1 Corinthians 2:10 KJV “But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.”

I always pull the scripture up in my bible app and read the context, and this is what I found:

We, of course, have plenty of wisdom to pass on to you once you get your feet on firm spiritual ground, but it’s not popular wisdom, the fashionable wisdom of high-priced experts that will be out-of-date in a year or so. God’s wisdom is something mysterious that goes deep into the interior of his purposes. You don’t find it lying around on the surface. It’s not the latest message, but more like the oldest—what God determined as the way to bring out his best in us, long before we ever arrived on the scene. The experts of our day haven’t a clue about what this eternal plan is. If they had, they wouldn’t have killed the Master of the God-designed life on a cross. That’s why we have this Scripture text: No one’s ever seen or heard anything like this, Never so much as imagined anything quite like it— What God has arranged for those who love him. [Isaiah 64:4; 65:17] But you’ve seen and heard it because God by his Spirit has brought it all out into the open before you. The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along. Who ever knows what you’re thinking and planning except you yourself? The same with God—except that he not only knows what he’s thinking, but he lets us in on it. God offers a full report on the gifts of life and salvation that he is giving us. We don’t have to rely on the world’s guesses and opinions. We didn’t learn this by reading books or going to school; we learned it from God, who taught us person-to-person through Jesus, and we’re passing it on to you in the same firsthand, personal way.
The unspiritual self, just as it is by nature, can’t receive the gifts of God’s Spirit. There’s no capacity for them. They seem like so much silliness. Spirit can be known only by spirit—God’s Spirit and our spirits in open communion. Spiritually alive, we have access to everything God’s Spirit is doing, and can’t be judged by unspiritual critics. Isaiah’s question, “Is there anyone around who knows God’s Spirit, anyone who knows what he is doing?” has been answered: Christ knows, and we have Christ’s Spirit. (1 Corinthians 2:6-16 MSG)

My spirit was LEAPING with joy over this!!! It looked like a little anime girl with the little half moons for excited, squinted eyes with her hands in fists raised up, elbows tucked in at her sides, doing jumps with her knees tucked into her chest over and over and over!

It’s never been more real to me that God does know what He’s doing. Yes, aspects of my life SUCK right now, but He’s right there to see me through. He has never left my side!! But, more importantly, He has given me gifts–gifts that the Holy Spirit has hidden way deep down that are exactly what I need to get me through my tough times. Once I find and unwrap them, God will be there to help me understand them and apply them! It brings me to tears…sweet, happy, joyful tears of thanksgiving…that my God knows me and my trials so well that He has gifted me with the exact tools I need to conquer or repair whatever I face. I just have to have the guts to trust Him and finish unwrapping those gifts. 🙂

I hope this has blessed you!! Just remember that no matter what you’re going through or how difficult it may be, God is with you. He has given you everything you need. You just need to trust in Him and He will see you through.

We found out a week ago that the tumors in my mom’s brain have shrank.

We found out last night that my dad is hepatitis c-FREE! The medicine has worked!! He only needs to do it for two more months and he’s DONE!

For the first time in my whole entire life, I feel beautiful. I have asked God to help me see myself and those around me through His eyes. And the face I see in the mirror blows me away! Make up or not. Messy hair or not. Sick or not. I see beauty.

I want you to see that beauty, too. 🙂 More importantly, God wants you to see that beauty. Not only in yourself but in everything around you.


To see all 30 days and to join in on Mandy Hale’s 30 Day Blogging Challenge, click here.
To follow my beautiful friend Rebecca’s blog, click here.
To learn more about those essential oils, click here.