The hardest part is watching her cry out of fear and knowing you can’t shed your own tears with her because she needs you to be strong. 

The day before Thanksgiving, Mom decided to go on hospice. They didn’t think she would make it out of the hospital, but she’s been home for about a month. We take turns caring for her. 

Most days her tears are from happiness. She said last week she didn’t know being happy could feel this good. Today, she got short of breath and scared. I don’t know what she fears and I’m too scared to ask her. I’m sure it’s a fear of the unknown. 

I turned on her oxygen compressor, handed her the cannula and held her hands as she looked into my eyes and let her tears overflow her own and shed down her face. 

It breaks my heart. 

I want nothing more than for this to be over for her. I hate seeing her in pain, and that’s pretty much all she feels now. Constantly. 


Christmas 2015