Though I’m not sure what the future holds and I have a lot of dreams left unconquered, I’m most proud that I am where I am without my parents help.
There’s definitely truth to the “Generation of Entitlement” and, sadly, I was definitely one of those individuals. I was one of those kids who thought everything needed to go their way and was sorely disappointed to find out that it took honest, hard work to get there.
I remember sitting in my bedroom or at the kitchen table and facing yet another school project having been given strict instructions not to touch anything until Mom was finished doing whatever… Mom wanted to do everything she could to help me succeed, even if it meant doing my homework for me so I could get an A. I remember having all of these ideas and wanting to communicate them to my mother, but couldn’t.
I remember feeling gripped by fear during these endless projects… Fear that nothing I’d do would be good enough. I remember getting yelled at because I didn’t put the top to the gorilla glue back on perfectly.
The blend of fear mixed with entitlement screwed up my perception of life tremendously. When I realized that I was capable of living my own life and making my own decisions, the power I felt was overwhelming. And I made some poor ones, all at the harsh judgement of my parents.
Once I realized that I needed to grow past what they thought of me, I started making tremendous strides toward progress and improvement.
This transformation began when I quit working for their trucking company a few years ago and it became more solid a couple years ago when I started doing things that were absolutely foreign to my family but MADE ME HAPPY.
I kept pursuing ballroom. I continued learning more about theatre. I moved to Nashville. I started going to a pretty charismatic church and actually learned how to Worship. I left an unhealthy relationship and have my mind, body and soul over to Christ. I dove head first into children’s ministry and went on two mission trips. I became a nanny. I bought a car. I moved into a fabulous townhome.
Okay, so those last two were a little more accepted as “normal” by my family, but you wouldn’t believe the criticism I received for absolutely everything else…except for the leaving the guy part…dating him was uber controversial. But that’s for another post.
It took a whole lot of Jesus, unconditional love from my church family and some amazing books. Taking Out Your Emotional Trash, Lies Young Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, and Battlefield of the Mind.
Talk about some powerful books!! That last one I’m still working on. Though my roommate is absolutely outstanding, she and I both have a problem with consistency and dedication to stuff. We tried starting this book club type thing and haven’t really stuck to it. Baby steps. It’s all about baby steps.
But, the bottom line is I’m proud of who I am now. I can stand tall (hey, 5’1″ is tall for some!) and firm in who I am in Jesus and understand that my accomplishments are exactly that…MINE.
And that makes me so happy.
Walking in Wonder 